It's the middle of the night and I'm still awake.
Seriously, what am I even doing right now? I don't know.
Okay, I can hear the clock ticking loudly than usual, and here I am, staring at the ceiling like it holds the secrets of the universe.
Actually, it doesn't or maybe it does?!
My mind is racing, jumping from one thought to another, and I just can't seem to find the off switch.
These thoughts? — A chaotic mess of anxiety and helplessness!
It's not like I have a specific reason to feel this way, or may be I do, but I just can't seem to pin it down.
I wish there was some magic formula to easily deal with this.
Drink some warm milk, meditate, listen to deep sleep music...… umm I've tried it all, but nothing seems to work.
My mind keeps circling back to the same worries. All the what ifs and buts are endless and exhausting!!!
And, you know what song always hits me hard during these sleepless nights? "Fine on the Outside" by Priscilla Ahn from the movie "When Marnie Was There."
It's like this song was made for moments like this. It captures this feeling of loneliness and longing perfectly.
The way how she sings about putting on a brave face for the world but feeling empty inside? Yeah, that gets me every time.
So, here I am, listening to this song on loop, hoping, praying, and wishing that maybe tomorrow I'll feel better.
If not tomorrow, then maybe someday—one day, I'll feel better. Maybe when the sun comes up, things will seem less intimidating.
For now, I'll just continue staring at the ceiling, trying to calm my racing thoughts. Deep breaths, and one step at a time, this too shall pass, right?
:) ❤️🩹
