I guess I’ve never felt this lonely ever before. I really thought I was okay with myself.
The kind of “okay” where you convince yourself that being alone doesn’t bother you anymore.
But then the clock hits 12..
And, suddenly your mind starts wandering to all the people you couldn’t keep, the ones who left, the ones who made you feel like you were never enough.
And that’s when it hits you!
Maybe you’re the problem. Not because you want to believe that, but because your thoughts convince you it’s true.
The truth stings in a way that no wound ever could. You start blaming yourself for not being enough, for not being the version of you they expected.
And it hurts!
I guess, loneliness doesn’t always scream; sometimes it just sits there quietly, heavy like a stone in your chest.
You look around and realize there’s no one to talk to, no one to depend on, no one who would just be there.
And, that’s when the silence gets louder.
Sometimes I don’t know how to explain what’s going on inside me. I run out of words. I don’t feel anything anymore.
Just.. emptiness!
How do you explain this emptiness to someone?
Will they understand even if I try?
Or will they just say, “Don’t overthink too much,” and leave it at that?
Will they know how heavy it feels to carry something you can’t even name?
Will they see how hard it is to live with this kind of emptiness, this quiet ache that never seems to fade?
I don’t know if I’ll ever feel whole again. But I wish I could. I really do.
