Hello,
It's been a while since I've written anything. Honestly, it's been a while since I've felt anything.
Weird right? I mean, I do feel stuff, but it's all over the place—like my mind and body are in complete chaos.
It's messy, and if I'm being real with you, I can't even describe what's going on in my head half the time. Seriously, it's that bad.
Life just threw me into this, and I've been struggling to figure it out.
There were moments when I hated myself, truly hated myself a lot, I must tell you.
You know that kind of hatred where every little thing you do feels wrong, and you can't even stand to look in the mirror?
Yeah, that kind.
It's dark place to be, and if you've been there too, you'll know it's not easy to climb out.
But then, there were these other times, fleeting, rare but powerful—where I felt proud of myself.
Proud that I didn't completely fall apart.
Proud for finding some strength inside me, even when I thought I had none left.
I mean, I didn't give up right? That's gotta count for something.
It's strange, isn't it? How can you feel so conflicting things at the same time?
Proud but doubtful. Strong but weak. Hopeful but scared.
Some days, I'm completely lost, wondering how I ended up here. Other days, I feel like I've got a little bit of control again.
But, I guess that's the thing right? You don't always know what's next.
But even when you're not sure if you're ready. Even when you can barely see the light at the end of the tunnel.
You keep going. Because you've already made this far.
So, yeah I don't have it all figured out. I'm still in the middle of it.
But maybe that's okay.
If you're feeling like this too, just know you're not alone. We'll get through it, one step at a time.
Until then,
Take care 🥰