Honestly, if I have to tell you, I had zero expectations for my birthday this year. I wasn't excited, not even a bit. In fact, I hoped I could just disappear for the day, like it wouldn't even exist.
My mind was constantly telling me that I didn't deserve anything; especially happiness.
But let me tell you, all that "zero excitement" flipped in a second, all because of my best friend. She stayed up all night just to call me at midnight, wishing me a happy birthday right on time. And that wasn't it, she sent me a personal beautiful message, posted stories, and even wrote a blog that was all about me, about our friendship.
Everything she did made me feel something I hadn't felt in a while that; I'm loved, I'm cared for, I'm appreciated, and I'm special. The blog she wrote for me? It was just so beautiful. It was exactly what I needed to hear after everything I'd been going through lately. And, all of a sudden, I wanted to celebrate, to actually enjoy the day.
But, you know what? Today, I have this weird mix of emotions—both joy and sadness, and I'm not even sure how to deal with them.
Part of me feels so happy, knowing I've got people who genuinely love me, and then there's this other part that feels crushed by those who are close to me but make me feel unloved and unworthy. It's not like I don't care about them; I do, probably too much. And, that's why it hurts.
This morning, I broke. My heart couldn't take it and the tears just flowed. Because of the words and actions of people I care about. Of all days, why today? I keep hearing the same words over and over again: "You're insensitive", "You're always angry", "You're unreasonable", and that "You're not enough".
I was supposed to feel joyful today. I tried—believe me, I tried—to hold onto that happiness, to push away the sadness, but somehow I failed at that moment.
Still, even with all that, I'm beyond grateful for the people who love me for me. I honestly don't know where I'd be without them. I love them more than words can express. 💝
So, yeah, today reminded me that I should be grateful for the love I do have, instead of being upset about what's missing. It's not always easy, but I know I'm lucky to have people who see me for who I truly am.
And, that's all for today. Besides, all the sadness and negativity, I actually had a great day.
Thank you for reading. :)💞
